Struggling in the morning

It's Monday so I'm up at 5 am and weighed in -- lost another pound. 188.6. Only somehow this morning that didn't make me feel particularly good. I woke up with a dry mouth and feeling depressed at the prospect of a morning without food to boost my mood or blood sugar. Now, that's  normally not the way I wake up.  I am not a coffee drinker- I don't rely on caffeine to get my motor running. I love to get up with the sun and am normally energetic and get my best work done in the morning. By 3, I am normally tired and ready for a short nap.

So, I took a teaspoon of raw honey in tea and that did make me feel less shaky. After my husband left for work, I tried on a bunch of shorts and 3/4 length pants and jeans from last summer, when I'd dropped a few pounds for a while. They are all buttonable now.  That' helped some. But there is also something scarey about dropping weight so fast- for me it's an old association.

In the past -- I have had several instances where I lost weight very rapidly. It happened once in my early 20's, when I went through a divorce at 29 and again when I went through another big transition at 40. When slightly stressed, I tend to eat comfort foods. But when over stressed, I can't eat. It's been 18 years since something like that has happened to me -- but the association of losing pounds fast with the mental condition of depression is licking at my heels. I've got a dent in my neuronal pathways somewhere that says --Losing Weight Fast? Watch out!

This would also occur to my father, who suffered from  depression. I can remember my Mom telling me that whenever she saw my father drop weight, she knew he was going  (or had already) gone into a depression. These undercurrents in our psyche can be powerful blocks to change, but I believe if we're conscious of them, we can work with them.

I spoke to my sister about this on Sunday - saying that a part of me wondered if losing weight quickly could actually trigger a depression, biochemically or psychologically. The  body and mind are so connected --

Well, I think it's time to go outside and work in the garden. Being in sunshine and working with my plants has seemed to boost my mood everytime. I'll check in later to review how I feel about this process with food under my belt! LOL.  For now, I'm a bit glum.