Today I'm embarking on an adventure in eating (or not eating) in a last ditch effort to drop 35 or more pounds of fat that have clung to me for 17 years. We're pretty good friends, these pounds of fat and me. I gain a few, I lose a few, but I keep coming back to this same place --and I wonder how my body (And mind) are going to adjust to finally giving them up, melting them away, peeing them into the world at large.
I'm not going to name this diet, at least not yet, but it's been around for 10 years. It's word of mouth --you meet someone who's been there, done that, and you're amazed. And they tell you about it and direct you to a place where you can get more information - if you're really serious.
They are the living proof-- who needs ads? They are people you trust. Beyond reproach. No bullshit.
You've been practicing trying to lose weight for a long time. You're better at the routine but so far, unsuccessful. This is it. This is the last diet.
Imagine going back to the place where you never used to think about food, except whether or not you felt like eating any? A skinny kid, a skinny adult, I gained weight little by little but mostly imperceptibly until 40 --and BAM! Various factors merged into the production and maintenance of an extra 35 pounds. Have they been protection? A reflection of some inner psychic struggle? Maybe. That's the scariest part -- what inner demons will be uncovered as the pounds melt, drip drip drip, revealing the underlying form. Maybe none? Maybe the butterfly will emerge from the cocoon transformed! It feels like the time is right.
I'm between "jobs", it's summer, this diet should only last about 2 months...then I transition back to "normal" eating with 2 days of semi-fasting per week. I can handle that. My set -point is supposed to be changed.so that my hypothalamus (sort of sounds like a zoo animal) will be happily directing fat cells into the fat burning furnace to maintain a new, lower, lighter poundage. Lighter on my feet, knees unburdened, a waist creeping into view -- that's the main thing. I lost my waist and with it, any my self esteem.
So, Today I start...
maggie and milly and molly and may
ReplyDeletewent down to the beach(to play one day)
and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and
milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;
and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and
may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.
For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea